The Diary of a CPO - Chapter 13

“What makes an exceptional HR leader?”

I’ve been asked this multiple times by aspiring HR mentees who want to climb the career ladder, as well as by mid-level HR leaders who are still striving to get to where they want to go - to the very top.

Oftentimes it’s hard for me to answer this question because I’ve never really “fit the part” of HR. I’ve been told I’m intense, blunt and direct, which is often the opposite of what most people are looking for in an HR leader.

The irony is that the people who described me by those words were the ones who hired me, promoted me, trusted me, and followed me.

Here’s the kicker. Being direct shouldn’t be applied to only employees and junior staff. I’m talking about being direct with your leadership team, the CEO and even the Board. It’s not easy to be ruthlessly honest but I always operate under one principle at any job I take on - What do I need to do to ensure I’m doing the right thing for the Company to succeed? If you want to be objective and logical when you make business decisions, always ask this question first before you make a call.

The truth is, what made me different was essentially what made me effective. Breaking the mold became my greatest advantage and to do that, you have to have courage. In a lot of ways, you also have to be yourself.

One of my greatest natural strengths was being clear-spoken and direct. I’ve been called blunt, but in hindsight, I now know that it’s earned trust faster than politeness ever did.

So I decided to train other leaders on how to effectively “give feedback.” Anyone who’s made a move from “individual contributor” to “people manager” knows that this is one of the most difficult but critical skills to master. It’s difficult because you’re sharing feedback with people you work closely with every day. People can also be emotional, sometimes sensitive, and it’s really hard to get the tone just right so that you don’t sound obtuse.

When I give feedback, I don’t sugarcoat things because that’s the first thing you can do to becoming a disingenuous leader. Being honest is being kind. It’s not a fancy slogan. It’s the truth because I’d rather be honest and direct with someone than operate in performative politics. I say the thing most people avoid because that’s usually what unblocks the real work.

By operating in this way, I’ve built deep trust with founders and execs by refusing to coddle them and by never pretending to be someone I’m not. For every role I’ve ever taken on, I’ve encouraged the CEO to conduct backdoor reference checks on me. I don’t need to know who they’re contacting but I’m certain that the previous CEOs I’ve worked with will share similar feedback about how I operate. To me, even the spiky edges we come with are good things to understand before making a decision to work together because I want both of us to know what we’re signing up for.

Through this honesty, I’ve been able to navigate high-growth chaos by staying relentlessly clear versus endlessly agreeable. I admit, it wasn’t always easy for my executive peers to hear the raw feedback that I shared with them, but in the end, it was to ensure I was operating with integrity which always comes with a level of straight-talk. The way I see it - it’s better to share feedback with you directly versus talking about you behind your back in other rooms. I expect to be treated the same way in return.

I’ve made it as a woman in leadership not by softening my thinking, but by sharpening it. We all know there’s no room for fluff and emotions in boardrooms and in war rooms. I don’t operate with platitudes and warm hugs, but I also don’t cut people down and make them want to revolt. The skills you’ll learn to grow as a leader will be sharpened by the skills HR can often teach you about working with people and building a successful company - they must be compatible because even in war, you can’t win a battle if your own team doesn’t respect you.

So in the end, I realized that there’s power in not being what people expect, especially in roles where people think they already know what you should be.

You don’t have to perform a version of leadership to earn trust.

You can be relentless and respected.

You can be honest and human.

You can be unlike anyone else in the room and still be the one they call when it matters.

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